"Love Letters"

Ever gotten a "love letter"? I don't think I have since high school. You know, one of those letters that tells you how you have annoyed someone? I have some to write today.

Dear girl (and if you were not 12 I would call you something not so pleasant) that called my daughter ugly,

Well...where do I start? First of all, you had the nerve to call my daughter ugly which really hurt her feelings (because, as most boys at her school agree - she is far from ugly and has never even been called unattractive), yet last night, someone pointed you out to me - and you have absolutely no room to talk. Your greasy ringlets of hair were disgusting, I cannot believe your parents let you out of the house in those booty shorts that showed everything you had and then some, and most of all, no 12 year old should ever have dark roots like that that stick out from your obviously home done bleach blonde dye job. Please let me predict your future. I predict by the age of 17, you will have been pregnant at least a couple of times, you will live in a trailor with a man that wears wife beaters and burps constantly, and maybe if you are lucky, can keep a job for a couple of months a year. Next time, before you go spouting off your big mouth about how someone else looks (in your eyes anyways), take a long hard look in the mirror little girl. My daughter has had a terrific life so far and she don't need some slutty looking, jealous 12 year old who craves attention in the worst sort of way, messing around with her previously un scathed psyche. I am sure you don't know what that means since I read on your website under expertise, you stated this, and I quote: "I don't even know what that means, but whatever! LOL!!!" Ask my daughter what her expertise is, and I guarantee you that she will know exactly what that is. You may have hurt her feelings for now, but I am sure that in the brains category (and beauty too), she could kick your ass.

Love,

A Loving, Caring Mother


Letter #2:

Dear Chevron,

Today after my eye doctor appointment, I looked down and noticed that my gas light was on. Since I am not like everyone else in a frenzy topping off my gas tank, I decided it was getting close so I better stop and get gas. Please, please, please, NEVER have on your sign that medium grade gas is $2.90 a gallon, and then as I start pumping actually look at the pump and notice that I am actually paying $3.10 a gallon for gas. Actually, I think this is illegal. I have my receipt and have already called and turned you in. Please be aware that some people actually pay attention to what the pump says (although, I didn't notice until I already started pumping...grrrr). I am pissed at you Chevron. I cut your card up today in anger. I have no regrets.

Love,

Gassed up



Letter #3:

Dear Lady in Houston,

Today I was listening to you as you called into a radio show I was listening to. You live in the Houston area. You plan is not to evacuate because "you don't think it will be that bad". Hmmm....I am sure many people in the New Orleans/Gulf Coast area had those exact same thoughts not long ago. This thing is big and bad (just so you know, I am sure George Bush didn't create it). This thing may be worse than Katrina. As you spoke I heard small children in the background. Please lady...get out. If not for you, your children. One of my best friends lives in Houston and she and her family are leaving tonight. Now, these folks are usually not the panicky type, but they are smart and do not want to take any chances. Please lady, be smart. I would hate to see you or your children on the news looking for each other, or you on there crying about how you have stayed through others but didn't think this would be that bad. Get out....please?

Signed,

Scared for your children



Ahh....I feel better now.