Okay....here we go. Boys.
My daughter just turned 13 a couple of days ago. She has a boyfriend. He is a very good looking kid and ALL the girls love him. Now, my daughter had a boyfriend last year, but they were just better friends than anything else. I think this boy she is "going out with" now is one she really likes and cares for. My problem is that I can see the heart break coming. Maybe I am wrong, but something has been nagging me about this kid. He is very nice, we know his parents, but something is not right. He seems to care for her a lot. He walks her to her classes and stuff like that. Sometimes they want to see each other and they don't get on their buses and start walking home together and I go pick them up and take him home. Nothing wrong there, I don't mind because the buses are crowded and slow. Plus, they both have musical instruments and it's pretty much a nightmare to get them on the buses anyways. Maybe I am reading it all wrong, and maybe I don't know him as well as I think I do. Last night I happened to be online at 11:30 and so was he (yeah..he should have been asleep), so we had a little discussion about how boys treat girls, etc., etc. He seemed okay with the conversation, so I will see when my daughter gets home how things were today. I told him I would deny the conversation ever took place and he agreed - he said he would not tell her we had that discussion. Now, just to let you know I asked him to not hurt her. Now, although this kid is like 13, he was talking like a 30 year old man (scary huh?). He was telling me he really cared for her and would not cross any lines. He says he knows his limits.....HUH? Does that sound like a 13 year old? He is very mature for his age and I think this is where my uncomfortable feeling comes from. Now I am no fool, I know she will get her heart broken eventually, and I know this thing will not last forever. I just told him if he was thinking of doing anything stupid (like hurting her in anyway)...just end it now because the longer this thing lasted, the more it will hurt. I think he got mad at me for that because he told me I sounded like I was tempting him to hurt her. That is not all what I meant. I was asking him to be nice about things and if he was thinking of doing anything that was going to hurt her, to end it now nicely.
I am not sure if I stepped over the line here, but I have known this kid for several years and I knew I could talk to him. He has talked to us about several family type problems, so I felt I could talk to him about this.
Did I do the right thing? I am trying to protect my child. I know she will toughen up eventually, but I really don't want this kid to hurt her.
Did I cross the line?
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1 comment:
OKgirl- you asked for it sooo ... I think you crossed the line.
I know you want to protect her, but she needs to experience these things for herself. When it comes ot first loves, I don't think you can ask a 13 year old kid to not hurt another. I think they just don't know enough about what they are doing to understand what will and won't hurt someone. I believe that is what makes 13 year olds so immature.
Your daughter is going to get hurt and it will happen many times. These hurts are going to seem very big at the time. Its a terrible thing to experience and worse to watch from the sidelines. But it makes us grow up and it helps us learn to appreciate the people who care about us.
My past three years of separation, divorce, and dating was an execise in learning to deal with being loved and hurt. Even in our fourties we smart from the pain of being betrayed or dumped. It never gets any easier.
What I think helps the most is knowing that there are people in your life who care about you and offer unconditional love. They know your dreams and the understand your pain. It doesn't make things hurt less, but it reminds you of why love is so important and worth the risk and pain.
So yes I think you stepped over the line and no I don't think you will be able to help her avoid being hurt. And no getting hurt now is never easier than later. You can't stop the hurt, but your her mom, and that gives you the right to try. :-)
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